Notebook for
The Obstacle Is the Way The_ (Z-Library)
Preface
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The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.
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these obstacles as an opportunity to practice some virtue: patience, courage, humility, resourcefulness, reason, justice, and creativity.
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We might not be emperors, but the world is still constantly testing us. It asks: Are you worthy? Can you get past the things that inevitably fall in your way? Will you stand up and show us what you’re made of?
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That the challenge makes them better than if they’d never faced the adversity at all.
Introduction
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Let’s be honest: Most of us are paralyzed. Whatever our individual goals, most of us sit frozen before the many obstacles that lie ahead of us.
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Every obstacle is unique to each of us. But the responses they elicit are the same: Fear. Frustration. Confusion. Helplessness. Depression. Anger.
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You have just enough freedom to feel like you can move; just enough to feel like it’s your fault when you can’t seem to follow through or build momentum.
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On the other hand, not everyone is paralyzed. We watch in awe as some seem to turn those very obstacles, which stymie us, into launching pads for themselves. How do they do that? What’s the secret?
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“Bad companies are destroyed by crisis. Good companies survive them. Great companies are improved by them.”
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Like oxygen to a fire, obstacles became fuel for the blaze
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Let’s be honest. Most of the time we don’t find ourselves in horrible situations we must simply endure. Rather, we face some minor disadvantage or get stuck with some less- than- favorable conditions.
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Turn it around. Find some benefit. Use it as fuel.
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want to show you the way to turn every obstacle into an advantage.
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Not “be positive” but learn to be ceaselessly creative and opportunistic. Not: This is not so bad. But: I can make this good.
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“The obstacle in the path becomes the path. Never forget, within every obstacle is an opportunity to improve our condition.”
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Or false goals and self- doubt.
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having trouble getting a job,
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When we meet with adversity, we can turn it to advantage, based on their example.
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We’re soft, entitled, and scared of conflict. Great times are great softeners. Abundance can be its own obstacle, as many people can attest.
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Because obstacles are not only to be expected but embraced. Embraced? Yes, because these obstacles are actually opportunities to test ourselves, to try new things, and, ultimately, to triumph. The Obstacle Is the Way.
PART I: PERCEPTION
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“Oh, how blessed young men are who have to struggle for a foundation and beginning in life,” he once said. “I shall never cease to be grateful for the three and half years of apprenticeship and the difficulties to be overcome, all along the way.”
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You will come across obstacles in life— fair and unfair. And you will discover, time and time again, that what matters most is not what these obstacles are but how we see them, how we react to them, and whether we keep our composure.
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Where one is blinded by success, another sees reality with ruthless objectivity.
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Outward appearances are deceptive. What’s within them, beneath them, is what matters.
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Unhelpful perceptions can invade our minds— that sacred place of reason, action and will— and throw off our compass.
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Discipline in perception lets you clearly see the advantage and the proper course of action in every situation— without the pestilence of panic or fear.
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we can see opportunity in every disaster, and transform that negative situation into an education, a skill set, or a fortune.
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Seen properly, everything that happens— be it an economic crash or a personal tragedy— is a chance to move forward. Even if it is on a bearing that we did not anticipate.
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They hadn’t ruined his life— they’d just put him somewhere he didn’t deserve to be and he did not intend to stay there.
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Our perceptions are the thing that we’re in complete control of.
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If an unjust prison sentence can be not only salvaged but transformative and beneficial, then for our purposes, nothing we’ll experience is likely without potential benefit.
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“Nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so,” as Shakespeare put it.
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for us, we face things that are not nearly as intimidating, and then we promptly decide we’re screwed. This is how obstacles become obstacles.
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In other words, through our perception of events, we are complicit in the creation— as well as the destruction— of every one of our obstacles.
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A mistake becomes training.
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What such a man needs is not courage but nerve control, cool headedness. This he can get only by practice.
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That’s nerve. But back in our lives . . . We are a pile of raw nerves.
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They want to intimidate you. Rattle you. Pressure you into making a decision before you’ve gotten all the facts. They want you thinking and acting on their terms, not yours.
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When we aim high, pressure and stress obligingly come along for the ride.
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In these situations, talent is not the most sought- after characteristic. Grace and poise are, because these two attributes precede the opportunity to deploy any other skill.
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Regardless of how much actual danger we’re in, stress puts us at the potential whim of our baser— fearful— instinctual reactions.
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Like: I refuse to acknowledge that. I don’t agree to be intimidated. I resist the temptation to declare this a failure.
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There is always a countermove, always an escape or a way through, so there is no reason to get worked up. No one said it would be easy and, of course, the stakes are high, but the path is there for those ready to take it.
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Because, as you now realize, it’s true. If your nerve holds, then nothing really did “happen”— our perception made sure it was nothing of consequence.
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When people panic, they make mistakes. They override systems. They disregard procedures, ignore rules. They deviate from the plan. They become unresponsive and stop thinking clearly. They just react— not to what they need to react to, but to the survival hormones that are coursing through their veins.
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At 150 miles above Earth in a spaceship smaller than a VW, this is death. Panic is suicide. So panic has to be trained out. And it does not go easily.
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Uncertainty and fear are relieved by authority. Training is authority. It’s a release valve. With enough exposure, you can adapt out those perfectly ordinary, even innate, fears that are bred mostly from unfamiliarity. Fortunately, unfamiliarity is simple to fix (again, not easy), which makes it possible to increase our tolerance for stress and uncertainty.
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But you . . . confront a client or a stranger on the street and your heart is liable to burst out of your chest; or you are called on to address a crowd and your stomach crashes through the floor.
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Life is really no different. Obstacles make us emotional, but the only way we’ll survive or overcome them is by keeping those emotions in check— if we can keep steady no matter what happens, no matter how much external events may fluctuate.
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Don’t let the negativity in, don’t let those emotions even get started. Just say: No, thank you. I can’t afford to panic.
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This is the skill that must be cultivated— freedom from disturbance and perturbation— so you can focus your energy exclusively on solving problems, rather than reacting to them.
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“When you worry, ask yourself, ‘What am I choosing to not see right now?’ What important things are you missing because you chose worry over introspection, alertness or wisdom?”
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Does getting upset provide you with more options?
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You can always remind yourself: I am in control, not my emotions. I see what’s really going on here. I’m not going to get excited or upset.
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We defeat emotions with logic, or at least that’s the idea. Logic is questions and statements. With enough of them, we get to root causes (which are always easier to deal with).
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Why are you all worked up over something that is at least occasionally supposed to happen?
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you’ve dealt with worse situations than this. Wouldn’t you be better off applying some of that resourcefulness rather than anger?
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Try having that conversation with yourself and see how those extreme emotions hold up. They won’t last long, trust that.
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After all, you’re probably not going to die from any of this.
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Does what happened keep you from acting with justice, generosity, self- control, sanity, prudence, honesty, humility, straightforwardness?
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Nope. Then get back to work! Subconsciously, we should be constantly asking ourselves this question: Do I need to freak out about this?
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Musashi understood that the observing eye sees simply what is there. The perceiving eye sees more than what is there.
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The observing eye sees events, clear of distractions, exaggerations, and misperceptions.
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How often do we see what we think is there or should be there, instead of what actually is there?
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We can question that impulse. We can disagree with it. We can override the switch, examine the threat before we act.
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But this takes strength. It’s a muscle that must be developed. And muscles are developed by tension, by lifting and holding.
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Epictetus told his students, when they’d quote some great thinker, to picture themselves observing the person having sex. It’s funny, you should try it the next time someone intimidates you or makes you feel insecure. See them in your mind, grunting, groaning, and awkward in their private life— just like the rest of us.
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a version of this exercise where he’d describe glamorous or expensive things without their euphemisms— roasted meat is a dead animal and vintage wine is old, fermented grapes.
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It’s so much better to see things as they truly, actually are, not as we’ve made them in our minds.
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With other people we can be objective.
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Take your situation and pretend it is not happening to you. Pretend it is not important, that it doesn’t matter. How much easier would it be for you to know what to do?
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Think of all the ways that someone could solve a specific problem. No, really think. Give yourself clarity, not sympathy— there’ll be plenty of time for that later. It’s an exercise, which means it takes repetition. The more you try it, the better you get at it. The more skilled you become seeing things for what they are, the more perception will work for you rather than against you.
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not just Stoic philosophy but cognitive psychology: Perspective is everything.
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That is, when you can break apart something, or look at it from some new angle, it loses its power over you. Fear is debilitating, distracting, tiring, and often irrational.
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That we are scared of obstacles because our perspective is wrong— that a simple shift in perspective can change our reaction entirely.
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We can’t change the obstacles themselves— that part of the equation is set— but the power of perspective can change how the obstacles appear.
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And with the wrong perspective, we become consumed and overwhelmed with something actually quite small. So why subject ourselves to that?
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The right perspective has a strange way of cutting obstacles— and adversity— down to size.
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“business opportunities are like buses; there’s always another coming around.” One meeting is nothing in a lifetime of meetings, one deal is just one deal. In fact, we may have actually dodged a bullet. The next opportunity might be better.
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What we can do is limit and expand our perspective to whatever will keep us calmest and most ready for the task at hand. Think of it as selective editing— not to deceive others, but to properly orient ourselves.
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Context: a sense of the larger picture of the world, not just what is immediately in front of us Framing: an individual’s unique way of looking at the world, a way that interprets its events
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He wanted the producers and directors to like him, but they didn’t and it hurt and he blamed the system for not seeing how good he was.
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It’s the dominant viewpoint for the rest of us on job interviews, when we pitch clients, or try to connect with an attractive stranger in a coffee shop. We subconsciously submit to what Seth Godin, author and entrepreneur, refers to as the “tyranny of being picked.”
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Auditions were a chance to solve their problem, not his.
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He was the answer to their prayers, not the other way around.
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Where the head goes, the body follows. Perception precedes action. Right action follows the right perspective.
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Is there a chance? Do I have a shot? Is there something I can do?
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What is up to us, what is not up to us.
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To argue, to complain, or worse, to just give up, these are choices. Choices that more often than not, do nothing to get us across the finish line.
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That’s the difference between the people who can accomplish great things, and the people who find it impossible to stay sober— to avoid not just drugs or alcohol but all addictions.
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That someone decided not to fund your company, this isn’t up to you. But the decision to refine and improve your pitch? That is.
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Focusing exclusively on what is in our power magnifies and enhances our power. But every ounce of energy directed at things we can’t actually influence is wasted— self- indulgent and self- destructive.
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Yet in our own lives, we aren’t content to deal with things as they happen. We have to dive endlessly into what everything “means,” whether something is “fair” or not, what’s “behind” this or that, and what everyone else is doing. Then we wonder why we don’t have the energy to actually deal with our problems. Or we get ourselves so worked up and intimidated because of the overthinking, that if we’d just gotten to work we’d probably be done already.
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Overthinking
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Focus on the moment, not the monsters that may or may not be up ahead.
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It doesn’t matter whether this is the worst time to be alive or the best, whether you’re in a good job market or a bad one, or that the obstacle you face is intimidating or burdensome. What matters is that right now is right now.
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You can take the trouble you’re dealing with and use it as an opportunity to focus on the present moment. To ignore the totality of your situation and learn to be content with what happens, as it happens.
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To let each new moment be a refresh wiping clear what came before and what others were hoping would come next.
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Oh, I’ll live in the present. You have to work at it. Catch your mind when it wanders— don’t let it get away from you. Discard distracting thoughts. Leave things well enough alone— no matter how much you feel like doing otherwise.
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Remember that this moment is not your life, it’s just a moment in your life. Focus on what is in front of you, right now. Ignore what it “represents” or it “means” or “why it happened to you.”
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Genius is the ability to put into effect what is in your mind. There’s no other definition of it.
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He knew that to aim low meant to accept mediocre accomplishment. But a high aim could, if things went right, create something extraordinary.
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Because though our doubts (and self- doubts) feel real, they have very little bearing on what is and isn’t possible.
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This is why we shouldn’t listen too closely to what other people say (or to what the voice in our head says, either). We’ll find ourselves erring on the side of accomplishing nothing.
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This is radically different from how we’ve been taught to act. Be realistic, we’re told. Listen to feedback. Play well with others. Compromise. Well, what if the “other” party is wrong? What if conventional wisdom is too conservative? It’s this all- too- common impulse to complain, defer, and then give up that holds us back.
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desperate nothing- to- lose state that we are our most creative.
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“There is good in everything, if only we look for it.”
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It’s our preconceptions that are the problem. They tell us that things should or need to be a certain way, so when they’re not, we naturally assume that we are at a disadvantage or that we’d be wasting our time to pursue an alternate course. When really, it’s all fair game, and every situation is an opportunity for us to act.
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If you mean it when you say you’re at the end of your rope and would rather quit, you actually have a unique chance to grow and improve yourself. A unique opportunity to experiment with different solutions, to try different tactics, or to take on new projects to add to your skill set.
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Or that computer glitch that erased all your work? You will now be twice as good at it since you will do it again.
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Blessings and burdens are not mutually exclusive. It’s a lot more complicated.
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In other words, every fear and doubt they felt during the injury turned into greater abilities in those exact areas.
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“That which doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” is not a cliché but fact.
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The struggle against an obstacle inevitably propels the fighter to a new level of functioning. The extent of the struggle determines the extent of the growth. The obstacle is an advantage, not adversity.
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Of all the strategies we’ve talked about, this is the one you can always use. Everything can be flipped, seen with this kind of gaze: a piercing look that ignores the package and sees only the gift.
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The obstacle still exists. One just hurts less. The benefit is still there below the surface. What kind of idiot decides not to take it?
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No one is talking glass- half- full- style platitudes here. This must be a complete flip. Seeing through the negative, past its underside, and into its corollary: the positive.
PART II: ACTION
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WHAT IS ACTION? Action is commonplace, right action is not. As a discipline, it’s not any kind of action that will do, but directed action.
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Action requires courage, not brashness— creative application and not brute force.
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Nothing else— not thinking or evasion or aid from others. Action is the solution and the cure to our predicaments.
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When he did venture out, it was to learn even more. Every moment, every conversation, every transaction, was an opportunity for him to improve his art.
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He would be successful precisely because of what he’d been through and how he’d reacted to it.
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But you, when you’re dealt a bad hand. What’s your response? Do you fold? Or do you play it for all you’ve got?
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It feels better to ignore or pretend. But you know deep down that that isn’t going to truly make it any better. You’ve got to act. And you’ve got to start now.
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In life, it doesn’t matter what happens to you or where you came from.
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It matters what you do with what happens and what you’ve been given.
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They didn’t feel sorry for themselves. They didn’t delude themselves with fantasies about easy solutions. They focused on the one thing that mattered: applying themselves with gusto and creativity.
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No one is saying you can’t take a minute to think, Dammit, this sucks. By all means, vent. Exhale. Take stock. Just don’t take too long. Because you have to get back to work. Because each obstacle we overcome makes us stronger for the next one.
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No one is coming to save you. And if we’d like to go where we claim we want to go— to accomplish what we claim are our goals— there is only one way. And that’s to meet our problems with the right action.
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We must all either wear out or rust out, every one of us. My choice is to wear out.
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They don’t care if the conditions are perfect or if they’re being slighted. Because they know that once they get started, if they can just get some momentum, they can make it work.
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We often assume that the world moves at our leisure. We delay when we should initiate. We jog when we should be running or, better yet, sprinting. And then we’re shocked— shocked!— when nothing big ever happens, when opportunities never show up, when new obstacles begin to pile up, or the enemies finally get their act together.
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Could you be doing more? You probably could— there’s always more. At minimum, you could be trying harder. You might have gotten started, but your full effort isn’t in it— and that shows.
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That’s the next step: ramming your feet into the stirrups and really going for it.
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You can’t ever let up your flying speed— if you do, you crash. Be deliberate, of course, but you always need to be moving forward.
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Stay moving, always.
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So when you’re frustrated in pursuit of your own goals, don’t sit there and complain that you don’t have what you want or that this obstacle won’t budge. If you haven’t even tried yet, then of course you will still be in the exact same place. You haven’t actually pursued anything.
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We talk a lot about courage as a society, but we forget that at its most basic level it’s really just taking action— whether that’s approaching someone you’re intimidated by or deciding to finally crack a book on a subject you need to learn.
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Just because the conditions aren’t exactly to your liking, or you don’t feel ready yet, doesn’t mean you get a pass. If you want momentum, you’ll have to create it yourself, right now, by getting up and getting started.
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If we’re to overcome our obstacles, this is the message to broadcast— internally and externally. We will not be stopped by failure, we will not be rushed or distracted by external noise. We will chisel and peg away at the obstacle until it is gone. Resistance is futile.
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persistence and pertinacity were incredible assets
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And, of course, he eventually found it— proving that genius often really is just persistence in disguise. In applying the entirety of his physical and mental energy— in never growing weary or giving up—
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Turning over in their minds option after option, and trying each one with equal enthusiasm. Knowing that eventually— inevitably— one will work.
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For most of what we attempt in life, chops are not the issue. We’re usually skilled and knowledgeable and capable enough. But do we have the patience to refine our idea? The energy to beat on enough doors until we find investors or supporters? The persistence to slog through the politics and drama of working with a group?
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Once you start attacking an obstacle, quitting is not an option. It cannot enter your head. Abandoning one path for another that might be more promising? Sure, but that’s a far cry from giving up.
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never in a hurry never worried never desperate never stopping short
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by Epictetus: “persist and resist.” Persist in your efforts. Resist giving in to distraction, discouragement, or disorder.
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There’s no need to sweat this or feel rushed. No need to get upset or despair. You’re not going anywhere— you’re not going to be counted out. You’re in this for the long haul.
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So temporary setbacks aren’t discouraging. They are just bumps along a long road that you intend to travel all the way down.
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Doing new things invariably means obstacles. A new path is, by definition, uncleared. Only with persistence and time can we cut away debris and remove impediments.
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It’s okay to be discouraged. It’s not okay to quit. To know you want to quit but to plant your feet and keep inching closer until you take the impenetrable fortress you’ve decided to lay siege to in your own life— that’s persistence.
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“the first step is an intuition— and comes with a burst— then difficulties arise.” What set Edison apart from other inventors is tolerance for these difficulties, and the steady dedication with which he applied himself toward solving them.
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It’s supposed to be hard. Your first attempts aren’t going to work. It’s goings to take a lot out of you— but energy is an asset we can always find more of. It’s a renewable resource. Stop looking for an epiphany, and start looking for weak points.
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Settle in for the long haul and then try each and every possibility, and you’ll get there.
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What is defeat? Nothing but education; nothing but the first steps to something better.
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But it’s no joke. Failure really can be an asset if what you’re trying to do is improve, learn, or do something new. It’s the preceding feature of nearly all successes. There’s nothing shameful about being wrong, about changing course. Each time it happens we have new options. Problems become opportunities.
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It means iterating, failing, and improving. Our capacity to try, try, try is inextricably linked with our ability and tolerance to fail, fail, fail.
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What breaks this critical connection down is when people stop acting— because they’ve taken failure the wrong way.
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We do everything we can to avoid it, thinking it’s embarrassing or shameful. We fail, kicking and screaming.
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would never claim it doesn’t. But can we acknowledge that anticipated, temporary failure certainly hurts less than catastrophic, permanent failure?
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Like any good school, learning from failure isn’t free. The tuition is paid in discomfort or loss and having to start over.
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The one way to guarantee we don’t benefit from failure— to ensure it is a bad thing— is to not learn from it. To continue to try the same thing over and over (which is the definition of insanity for a reason). People fail in small ways all the time. But they don’t learn. They don’t listen. They don’t see the problems that failure exposes. It doesn’t make them better.
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Thickheaded and resistant to change, these are the types who are too self- absorbed to realize that the world doesn’t have time to plead, argue, and convince them of their errors. Soft bodied and hardheaded, they have too much armor and ego to fail well.
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Failure shows us the way— by showing us what isn’t the way.
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“Don’t think about winning the SEC Championship. Don’t think about the national championship. Think about what you needed to do in this drill, on this play, in this moment. That’s the process: Let’s think about what we can do today, the task at hand.”
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says: Okay, you’ve got to do something very difficult. Don’t focus on that. Instead break it down into pieces. Simply do what you need to do right now. And do it well. And then move on to the next thing. Follow the process and not the prize.
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Finishing the smallest task you have right in front of you and finishing it well.
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Don’t think about the end— think about surviving. Making it from meal to meal, break to break, checkpoint to checkpoint, paycheck to paycheck, one day at a time.
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Because the process is relaxing. Under its influence, we needn’t panic. Even mammoth tasks become just a series of component parts.
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We needn’t scramble like we’re so often inclined to do when some difficult task sits in front of us.
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Do that now, for whatever obstacles you come across. We can take a breath, do the immediate, composite part in front of us— and follow its thread into the next action. Everything in order, everything connected.
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When it comes to our actions, disorder and distraction are death. The unordered mind loses track of what’s in front of it— what matters— and gets distracted by thoughts of the future. The process is order, it keeps our perceptions in check and our actions in sync.
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It seems obvious, but we forget this when it matters most.
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How often do we compromise or settle because we feel that the real solution is too ambitious or outside our grasp? How often do we assume that change is impossible because it’s too big?
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All these issues are solvable. Each would collapse beneath the process. We’ve just wrongly assumed that it has to happen all at once, and we give up at the thought of it. We are A- to- Z thinkers, fretting about A, obsessing over Z, yet forgetting all about B through Y.
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We want to have goals, yes, so everything we do can be in the service of something purposeful. When we know what we’re really setting out to do, the obstacles that arise tend to seem smaller, more manageable. When we don’t, each one looms larger and seems impossible. Goals help put the blips and bumps in proper proportion.
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When we get distracted, when we start caring about something other than our own progress and efforts, the process is the helpful, if occasionally bossy, voice in our head.
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Moving forward, one step at a time. Subordinate strength to the process. Replace fear with the process. Depend on it. Lean on it. Trust in it.
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Take your time, don’t rush. Some problems are harder than others. Deal with the ones right in front of you first. Come back to the others later. You’ll get there. The process is about doing the right things, right now. Not worrying about what might happen later, or the results, or the whole picture.
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There’s nothing shameful about sweeping. It’s just another opportunity to excel— and to learn.
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Everything we do matters— whether it’s making smoothies while you save up money or studying for the bar— even after you already achieved the success you sought. Everything is a chance to do and be your best. Only self- absorbed assholes think they are too good for whatever their current station requires.
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When action is our priority, vanity falls away.
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Each project matters, and the only degrading part is giving less than one is capable of giving.
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You should never have to ask yourself, But what am I supposed to do now? Because you know the answer: your job.
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“Obligations” sound stuffy and oppressive. You want to be able to do whatever you want. But duty is beautiful, and inspiring and empowering.
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Right action— unselfish, dedicated, masterful, creative— that is the answer to that question. That’s one way to find the meaning of life. And how to turn every obstacle into an opportunity.
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each individual instance matters, too— each is a snapshot of the whole. The whole isn’t certain, only the instances
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Trying to get it all perfect. We tell ourselves that we’ll get started once the conditions are right, or once we’re sure we can trust this or that. When, really, it’d be better to focus on making due with what we’ve got.
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But so many of us spend so much time looking for the perfect solution that we pass up what’s right in front of us.
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Think progress, not perfection.
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The great myth of history, propagated by movies and stories and our own ignorance, is that wars are won and lost by two great armies going head- to- head in battle. It’s a dramatic, courageous notion— but also very, very wrong.
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When you’re at your wit’s end, straining and straining with all your might, when people tell you you look like you might pop a vein . . . Take a step back, then go around the problem. Find some leverage. Approach from what is called the “line of least expectation.”
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Being outnumbered, coming from behind, being low on funds, these don’t have to be disadvantages. They can be gifts.
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The inertia of success makes it much harder to truly develop good technique.
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You don’t convince people by challenging their longest and most firmly held opinions. You find common ground and work from there.
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You’re not wasting your energy in battles driven by ego and pride rather than tactical advantage. Believe it or not, this is the hard way. That’s why it works. Remember, sometimes the longest way around is the shortest way home.
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Opposites work. Nonaction can be action. It uses the power of others and allows us to absorb their power as our own. Letting them— or the obstacle— do the work for us.
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It is, however, time to acknowledge that some adversity might be impossible for you to defeat— no matter how hard you try. Instead, you must find some way to use the adversity, its energy, to help yourself.
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So instead of fighting obstacles, find a means of making them defeat themselves.
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But we also have to be ready to see that restraint might be the best action for us to take. Sometimes in your life you need to have patience— wait for temporary obstacles to fizzle out. Let two jousting egos sort themselves out instead of jumping immediately into the fray. Sometimes a problem needs less of you— fewer people period— and not more.
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we might discover that in ignoring clients, we attract more— finding that they want to work with someone who does not so badly want to work with them.
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You just haven’t got it in you to do it the “traditional” way. But so what? What matters is whether a certain approach gets you to where you want to go. And let’s be clear, using obstacles against themselves is very different from doing nothing.
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Every positive has its negative. Every negative has its positive. The action is in the pushing through— all the way through to the other side. Making a negative into a positive.
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We can use the things that block us to our advantage, letting them do the difficult work for us. Sometimes this means leaving the obstacle as is, instead of trying so hard to change it.
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by circumstance revert at once to yourself and don’t lose the rhythm more than you can help.
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Adversity can harden you. Or it can loosen you up and make you better— if you let it.
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Think about it too much and it can start to feel oppressive, even suffocating.
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While others obsess with observing the rules, we’re subtly undermining them and subverting them to our advantage.
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And yet we feel like going to pieces when the PowerPoint projector won’t work (instead of throwing it aside and delivering an exciting talk without notes). We stir up gossip with our coworkers (instead of pounding something productive out on our keyboards). We act out, instead of act.
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But physical looseness combined with mental restraint? That is powerful.
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If you think it’s simply enough to take advantage of the opportunities that arise in your life, you will fall short of greatness. Anyone sentient can do that. What you must do is learn how to press forward precisely when everyone around you sees disaster.
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You lost your job or a relationship? That’s awful, but now you can travel unencumbered. You’re having a problem? Now you know exactly what to approach that mentor about.
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But this crisis in front of you? You’re wasting it feeling sorry for yourself, feeling tired or disappointed. You forget: Life speeds on the bold and favors the brave.
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Great commanders look for decision points. For it is bursts of energy directed at decisive points that break things wide open. They press and press and press and then, exactly when the situation seems hopeless— or, more likely, hopelessly deadlocked— they press once more.
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In the meantime, cling tooth and nail to the following rule: not to give in to adversity, not to trust prosperity, and always take full note of fortune’s habit of behaving just as she pleases.
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Run it through your head like this: Nothing can ever prevent us from trying. Ever.
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Problems, as Duke Ellington once said, are a chance for us to do our best. Just our best, that’s it. Not the impossible.
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We have it within us to be the type of people who try to get things done, try with everything we’ve got and, whatever verdict comes in, are ready to accept it instantly and move on to whatever is next. Is that you? Because it can be.
PART III: WILL
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If action is what we do when we still have some agency over our situation, the will is what we depend on when agency has all but disappeared.
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True will is quiet humility, resilience, and flexibility; the other kind of will is weakness disguised by bluster and ambition. See which lasts longer under the hardest of obstacles.
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He was patient because he knew that difficult things took time.
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Will is fortitude and wisdom— not just about specific obstacles but about life itself and where the obstacles we are facing fit within it.
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Bear and forbear. Acknowledge the pain but trod onward in your task.
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Certain things in life will cut you open like a knife. When that happens— at that exposing moment— the world gets a glimpse of what’s truly inside you. So what will be revealed when you’re sliced open by tension and pressure? Iron? Or air? Or bullshit?
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Always remind ourselves of our own mortality.
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Not everyone accepts their bad start in life. They remake their bodies and their lives with activities and exercise. They prepare themselves for the hard road. Do they hope they never have to walk it? Sure. But they are prepared for it in any case.
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Many saw themselves as mental athletes— after all, the brain is a muscle like any other active tissue. It can be built up and toned through the right exercises.
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During the good times, we strengthen ourselves and our bodies so that during the difficult times, we can depend on it. We protect our inner fortress so it may protect us.
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the upside of preparation is that we’re not disposed to lose all of it— least of all our heads— when someone or something suddenly messes with our plans.
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The path of least resistance is a terrible teacher. We can’t afford to shy away from the things that intimidate us. We don’t need to take our weaknesses for granted.
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In a postmortem,
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We’re examining the project in hindsight, after it happened.
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A premortem is different. In it, we look to envision what could go wrong, what will go wrong, in advance, before we start.
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Far too many people don’t have a backup plan because they refuse to consider that something might not go exactly as they wish.
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Be preppred to get fired again and laid off or even switch
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“If you’re not humble, life will visit humbleness upon you.”
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“Nothing happens to the wise man against his expectation,” he wrote to a friend. “. . . nor do all things turn out for him as he wished but as he reckoned— and above all he reckoned that something could block his plans.”
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And in the case where nothing could be done, the Stoics would use it as an important practice to do something the rest of us too often fail to do: manage expectations. Because sometimes the only answer to “What if . . .” is, It will suck but we’ll be okay.
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Your world is ruled by external factors. Promises aren’t kept.
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You have to make concessions for the world around you. We are dependent on other people. Not everyone can be counted on like you can (though, let’s be honest, we’re all our own worst enemy sometimes). And that means people are going to make mistakes and screw up your plans— not always, but a lot of the time.
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Beware the calm before the storm. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. The worst is yet to come. It gets worse before it gets better.
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It’s better to meditate on what could happen, to probe for weaknesses in our plans, so those inevitable failures can be correctly perceived, appropriately addressed, or simply endured.
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In other words, this bad luck is actually a chance for us to make up some time. We’re like runners who train on hills or at altitude so they can beat the runners who expected the course would be flat.
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We understand that it could possibly all go wrong. And now we can get back to the task at hand.
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You know what’s better than building things up in your imagination? Building things up in real life. Of course, it’s a lot more fun to build things up in your imagination than it is to tear them down. But what purpose does that serve? It only sets you up for disappointment.
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The Fates guide the person who accepts them and hinder the person who resists them.
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For both, it was the deprivation of these senses— and acceptance rather than resentment of that fact— that allowed them to develop different, but acutely powerful, senses to adjust to their reality.
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doesn’t always feel that way but constraints in life are a good thing. Especially if we can accept them and let them direct us. They push us to places and to develop skills that we’d otherwise never have pursued. Would we rather have everything? Sure, but that isn’t up to us.
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Like limited internet nd limited time on earth
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You don’t have to like something to master it— or to use it to some advantage. When the cause of our problem lies outside of us, we are better for accepting it and moving on.
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It is far easier to talk of the way things should be. It takes toughness, humility, and will to accept them for what they actually are. It takes a real man or woman to face necessity.
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But to get these unexpected benefits we first have to accept the unexpected costs— even though we’d rather not have them in the first place.
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We instinctively think about how much better we’d like any given situation to be. We start thinking about what we’d rather have. Rarely do we consider how much worse things could have been.
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Yet we squirm and complain about what was taken from us. We still can’t appreciate what we have.
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These were not guys prone to settling or leaving the details up to other people— but they understood ultimately that what happened would happen.
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It’s time to be humble and flexible enough to acknowledge the same in our own lives. That there is always someone or something that could change the plan.
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you’re looking at a big- enough picture and long- enough time line that whatever you have to accept is still only a negligible blip on the way to your goal.
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We’re indifferent and that’s not a weakness.
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To do great things, we need to be able to endure tragedy and setbacks. We’ve got to love what we do and all that it entails, good and bad. We have to learn to find joy in every single thing that happens.
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not only suffered a spectacular disaster, but he recovered and replied to it spectacularly.
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The next step after we discard our expectations and accept what happens to us, after understanding that certain things— particularly bad things— are outside our control, is this: loving whatever happens to us and facing it with unfailing cheerfulness.
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This is what I’ve got to do or put up with? Well, I might as well be happy about it.
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Bitterness was their burden and Johnson refused to pick it up.
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For we’re in our own fight with our own obstacles, and we can wear them down with our relentless smile (frustrating the people or impediments attempting to frustrate us).
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Learning not to kick and scream about matters we can’t control is one thing. Indifference and acceptance are certainly better than disappointment or rage.
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Because if it happened, then it was meant to happen, and I am glad that it did when it did. I am meant to make the best of
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That is not to say that the good will always outweigh the bad. Or that it comes free and without cost. But there is always some good— even if only barely perceptible at first— contained within the bad. And we can find it and be cheerful because of it.
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We will overcome every obstacle— and there will be many in life— until we get there. Persistence is an action. Perseverance is a matter of will. One is energy. The other, endurance. And, of course, they work in conjunction with each other.
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There are far more failures in the world due to a collapse of will than there will ever be from objectively conclusive external events.
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If the finest genius studies at one of our colleges, and is not installed in an office within one year afterwards in the cities or suburbs of Boston or New York, it seems to his friends and to himself that he is right in being disheartened, and in complaining the rest of his life.
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We whine and complain and mope when things won’t go our way. We’re crushed when what we were “promised” is revoked— as if that’s not allowed to happen. Instead of doing much about it, we sit at home and play video games or travel or worse, pay for more school with more loan debt that will never be forgiven. And then we wonder why it isn’t getting any better.
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Emerson said, “with the exercise of self- trust, new powers shall appear.”
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momentum and defeat are not mutually exclusive— we can keep going, advancing, even if we’ve been stopped in one particular direction.
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Our actions can be constrained, but our will can’t be. Our plans— even our bodies— can be broken. But belief in ourselves? No matter how many times we are thrown back, we alone retain the power to decide to go once more. Or to try another route. Or, at the very least, to accept this reality and decide upon a new aim.
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Despair? That’s on you. No one else is to blame when you throw in the towel.
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The true threat to determination, then, is not what happens to us, but us ourselves. Why would you be your own worst enemy? Hold on and hold steady.
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To think— if only privately— I don’t care about them, I’ve got to get mine before it’s too late.
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Not that you need to martyr yourself. See, when we focus on others, on helping them or simply providing a good example, our own personal fears and troubles will diminish. With fear or heartache no longer our primary concern, we don’t have time for it. Shared purpose gives us strength.
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What doesn’t help anyone is making this all about you, all the time. Why did this happen to me? What am I going to do about this?
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Stop making it harder on yourself by thinking about I, I, I. Stop putting that dangerous “I” in front of events. I did this. I was so smart. I had that. I deserve better than this. No wonder you take losses personally, no wonder you feel so alone. You’ve inflated your own role and importance. Start thinking: Unity over Self. We’re in this together.
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We’re going to be of service to others. Help ourselves by helping them. Becoming better because of it, drawing purpose from it.
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When really, there is a world beyond our own personal experience filled with people who have dealt with worse. We’re not special or unique simply by virtue of being. We’re all, at varying points in our lives, the subject of random and often incomprehensible events.
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Embrace this power, this sense of being part of a larger whole. It is an exhilarating thought. Let it envelop you. We’re all just humans, doing the best we can. We’re all just trying to survive, and in the process, inch the world forward a little bit.
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It’s a story as old as time. Man nearly dies, he takes stock, and emerges from the experience a completely different, and better, person.
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Death doesn’t make life pointless, but rather purposeful. And, fortunately, we don’t have to nearly die to tap into this energy.
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Our fear of death is a looming obstacle in our lives. It shapes our decisions, our outlook, and our actions.
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“Every third thought shall be my grave.”
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We may not say it, but deep down we act and behave like we’re invincible.
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That stuff happens to other people, not to ME. I have plenty of time left. We forget how light our grip on life really is.
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But thinking about and being aware of our mortality creates real perspective and urgency. It doesn’t need to be depressing. Because it’s invigorating.
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And since this is true, we ought to make use of it. Instead of denying— or worse, fearing— our mortality, we can embrace it.
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But that is not to say it is not without value to us while we are alive. In the shadow of death, prioritization is easier. As are graciousness and appreciation and principles.
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And so, if even our own mortality can have some benefit, how dare you say that you can’t derive value from each and every other kind of obstacle you encounter?
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As the Haitian proverb puts it: Behind mountains are more mountains.
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Understand that each battle is only one of many and that you can use it to make the next one easier. More important, you must keep them all in real perspective.
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Simply flipping the obstacles that life throws at you by improving in spite of them, because of them. And therefore no longer afraid. But excited, cheerful, and eagerly anticipating the next round.
Final Thoughts: The Obstacle Becomes the Way
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We can turn even this to our advantage. Always. It is an opportunity. Always.
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What stood in the way became the way. What impeded action in some way advanced it. It’s inspiring. It’s moving. It’s an art we need to bring to our own lives.
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We can see the “bad” things that happen in our lives with gratitude and not with regret because we turn them from disaster to real benefit— from defeat to victory.
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they realized these latent powers— the powers of perception, action, and the will.
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And they all feed into one another: Our actions give us the confidence to ignore or control our perceptions. We prove and support our will with our actions.
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(We gather strength as we go). That’s how it works. That’s our motto.
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Of course, it is not enough to simply read this or say it. We must practice these maxims, rolling them over and over in our minds and acting on them until they become muscle memory.
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See things for what they are. Do what we can. Endure and bear what we must.
Postscript: You’re Now a Philosopher. Congratulations.
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They deprived us of philosophy’s true use: as an operating system for the difficulties and hardships of life.